London, UK
Just recently, I had the pleasure of meeting up with “The Negotiator“, Neville Spiers. Neville is an entertaining public speaker and talks a lot of sense on matters concerning personal and corporate debt. We share very similar views on certain cold-calling techniques and he’s this week’s guest blogger.
So I pick up the phone and I hear a foreign accent with the semi-robotic delivery of someone reading from a script. He says “Hello Neville. How are you today?” What’s wrong with that? It’s friendly – we’re immediately on first-name terms. It’s compassionate – he genuinely cares about my health and well-being. So what’s wrong with it? I’ll tell you.
I DON’T KNOW HIM! I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me, so to begin with we are not on first-name terms. I am a different generation to him and I regard his immediate uninvited use of my first name as disrespectful. I’m sorry if that attitude comes across as outmoded but I am representative of a high proportion of the names on his call list.
Far more offensive are the words “how are you today”. He doesn’t know me and he doesn’t care. How I am today is irrelevant to him as he doesn’t know how I was yesterday or last Thursday and he wasn’t there for me during my gall bladder operation in March. He didn’t have to be. He doesn’t know me…..which exposes his enquiry as insultingly insincere. This is what I now do.
I say “thank you for asking” and then launch into a full catalogue of my ailments and their recent progress. He gets to learn of my piles, bunions and varicose veins. We move onto the sporadic migraines, mild nausea and bouts of gout. I reassure him that the swine flu is looking less likely to be fatal. After a two-minute health report I thank him again for his concern and ask if he would like me to go into greater detail. If he is still on the line and if he picks up at the point where he left off – without reference to my reply, I terminate the call.
Why does he ask the question…because it is written on the card. Some clever marketing guru decided that this would be an ideal way to ingratiate yourself with the prospective client. Make him feel that you care about him, that his state of health is high on the list of your priorities. He will immediately believe that you are his friend, keeper of his confidences, repository of his undying trust. That established, he will buy from you anything you wish to sell him.
I want to meet that clever marketing guru. I will advance towards him with a caring smile and punch him in the face. When he goes down, I will kick him in the ribs and then stomp on his head. As he is drifting into unconsciousness I will look down at him solicitously and say “how are you today?”
Tags: cold calling, negotiator, Nevile Spiers
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Bill Bryson commented on that when he phoned a government department and was answered with, “Hi Bill, this is Bob, I’m your call service agent today,” or whatever he referred to himself as. He answered that he wasn’t looking for a relationship, just a number.
[...] something the “also-rans” like to do and they invariably get it wrong as outlined at (1) and (2). Another important aspect of cold-calling is record keeping. How are you recording or [...]
Fantastic resource, I even printed some out.
[...] are a complete No No. Earlier this year, I posted an article by “The Negotiator” Neville Spiers all about “how are you today”. It’s a funny article but so true and goes [...]